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An Apology, An Explanation, A Story Part One

8/8/2013

1 Comment

 
An apology, an explanation, a story
This will be in installments to sum up my year and apologize to everyone that I let down. Seriously, you deserve it. 
~~~
Around this time last year I got stressed out. For me, stressed out is a state of being and not anything abnormal. I'm an anxious person. I flirt with depression. It's the way things have always been. 

Right after my husband's major jaw surgery I decided to try Insanity....because I had, in fact, lost touch with reality. 

I lasted a week. 

The start of week 2 I did a couple of workouts but not the full calendar week. I tried again the next week. That's when my body basically gave up.

I started having chest pains. In hindsight, I should have rushed to the Emergency Room because I have a heart murmur that hasn't been checked (or caused problems) in nearly 20 years. It was so intense that I had to sit down. 

I put Insanity on the shelf at that point and went about my daily life...until the chest pains started happening during non-Insanity-level activities. Making dinner, sitting on the couch, etc... I had no other heart attack symptoms so I consulted my good friend Doctor Google. 

Anxiety. 

Duh. 

I got the courage to see my doctor and ask for medication after a slew of natural remedies did no good. It was time for the big guns. I ended up on Zoloft. 

It took my sense of taste away for 2 weeks. Again, Dr Google was my friend in figuring out that this is common (but not listed as an official problem) and I trudged through it. 

2 Weeks after that I got my wisdom teeth removed...and ended up with dry socket. Was it the worst pain I've ever had? No. Was it mind-numbingly horrible? Yep. Being unable to eat solid food was more of a mental thing than a physical thing. 

I got healed up and felt fine. 

2 weeks later I got food poisoning from a local Greek place (I still can't think about eating lamb gyro) Again, I was off of solid food and subsisting on sips of water for several days. 

The Voice in my head latched on to my weight loss. Even after I healed from this bout of torture I didn't want to eat. I had lost a significant amount of weight and kept thinking "if I eat I'll gain it back." 

I had relapsed into my eating disorder...

to be continued...
1 Comment
Anonymous
8/8/2013 04:18:25 pm

You haven't let anyone down, and you don't owe anyone an apology. Forget what you think other people deserve out of this situation and focus on what YOU deserve. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and you will be! Stay strong and remember that you are deeply and truly loved!

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