Trigger Warning for abuse and rape talk therein. Protect yourself. You choose if you wish to keep reading :)


I was going to make this one blog post but I'm up to chapter Fourteen and already have fodder for Christian's abusive behavior. That's disgusting. 

The hardest part about this project? Reading the book. I'll probably do an entire post on the word choices that I hate. 

But, onward! 

I've spoken on Facebook about how I believe Christian Grey of the "acclaimed" 50 Shades of Grey is NOT the "perfect man" nor is he the type of man you should be seeking out. He is, in fact, overbearing and abusive. If you want to get technical (and I won't in this particular post) he's also a terrible dominant. 

Why are so many women looking the other way? He's described as incredibly attractive. He's also very rich. 

The uninformed have also looked at his overbearing and controlling behavior and said "but he's her dominant so it's okay." Do some research on a proper Dom/sub relationship before you talk to me about that, k?

So, evidence. 

From the very beginning Christian warns Ana "stay away from me." Now, this is after HE SEEKS HER OUT. That's a little weird. 
It gets even more backwards because after warning "stay away" he buys her a lavish gift of first edition books. 
I'm not 100% sure this is indicative of abuse, but it's not healthy. 

He DEMANDS to know where she is (when she calls drunk) and then tracks her cell phone to pick her up.
This is excused or ignored by readers because her "friend" attempts to sexually assault her and Christian saves the day. So I've been told "But what would have happened if he hadn't have done that? She could have gotten raped." A favorable outcome does not excuse the behavior. 


What if we took it to the extreme? Girl gets raped but the bar she was going to be at catches on fire? Oh, well it's a good thing she got raped because she would have been in that bar instead! 

Does it still work? No? Then shut up.

Splattered throughout the book, compliments are followed closely by reprimands. 
Abusers do this. It sneaks the blow in under the guise of being "helpful" or "character building" or whatever. 
Direct example, he compliments how she looks in an outfit. She blushes and looks down.
"You know, you really should learn how to take a compliment." His tone is castigating.
Castigate is to reprimand someone severely. 
He reprimanded her for BLUSHING?! Because she should be able to control that, right? It's even more frustrating when you consider this is directly after she woke up in his hotel room after drinking/puking herself unconscious the previous night. 

She plainly tells him "I prefer Ana" and he continues to call her Anastasia....UNTIL later when he wants something from her. 
It's a small thing but it's a definite power play. It bothered me a lot. It's in the *denying* portion of the Abuse Power And Control Wheel I think

He withholds affection/attention when he's angry.
Any time Ana annoys him or does something of which he does not approve he shuts down. This happens A LOT. It's definitely an emotional abuse technique.

Direct quote from Ana: "He uses sex as a weapon." 
If this is not a RED FREAKING FLAG to you...I don't know. It should be. Sex is something to be enjoyed and shared. It should never be a weapon or used for coercion. 
Christian likes to have serious conversations during sex or directly following sex...when he knows his victim will be more pliable to his will.

When Ana is still in the consideration phase for Christian's proposed "Dominant/submissive" relationship he utters this phrase: "If you make the right decision I'll see you Sunday."
First of all, whichever decision she reaches would be the right one because it's HER decision. Stating that there is a right or wrong decision is, you guessed it, abusive. Having a relationship with him is the only "right" decision? NEXT.

It's only chapter 14. I have more of this crap to wade through.

I am a self-proclaimed Book Addict. 

Yes, I'm addicted to reading/books. 

No, I'm not making light of addiction. 

I *guess* you could call it more of a compulsion than addiction. But don't those occasionally go hand in hand? 

If I go too long without something to read I will read any text I can get my hands on... Cereal boxes, toothpaste tubes, etc. 

Did you know you're only supposed to use a pea sized amount when brushing? 

Anyway. I've compiled a short list that you can use to determine if you are also a Book Addict. 

1. Your "To Read" list is being added to faster than you can actually read.
This means you acknowledge that you may never complete your list...and you're not sure how to feel about that...

2. You get irrationally angry when people interrupt your reading flow. 
This is especially true if it's during a GOOD PART. 

3. You've gotten so lost in a book that you forgot to do basic tasks...like eat. 
Bonus points if you've had to ask yourself if you ever stopped to pee or if you just took the book with you. 

4. The setting of your book has a different temperature than real life and it messes with your head. 
Got in deep with a book set in cold rain? Expect to be momentarily surprised when you walk outside in the middle of summer heat. 

5. Throwing away books is an emotional upheaval. 
You haven't read it in 5 years? Doesn't matter. It's NOT going in the trash. You wouldn't throw away one of your friends!
(This rule is excluded for those instructional parenting books that make you paranoid and angry)

6. You finish most books you start. 
Even if it takes months. Even if you have to slowly trudge through the swamp of suck. You hate leaving a book unfinished. 

7. You make a list like this one so you don't feel as alone in your silly addiction.

No, the blog isn't closing. Everyone breathe a sigh of relief! 

Coming up soon, I'll be taking an extended leave of absence from Team Beachbody.

I feel like I need to explain my reasoning behind this decision. 

What it boils down to is lack of passion on my part. When I first started, I had a passion for fitness and helping people. Somewhere along the way, I lost that. 

Somewhere along the way, I made it more about the business and less about the people. Suddenly I found myself passing over possible friendships because they weren't prospects. I found myself putting friendships on the back burner because they weren't on my prospect list. When I started this, it was the opposite. I had a genuine need to help people and Beachbody was a TOOL. Oh, you didn't want to buy anything? That's fine, let's set goals anyway. 

I lost that. I read things from other, more successful coaches, about spending time with people that would help your business and I began to view those other relationships as a time suck. 

No more.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the products. I BELIEVE in the products. My husband is going to remain an active coach so we can still order the occasional bag of Shakeology. My decision isn't about the company or the products...it's about me. 

Classic, It's not you, it's me here. Think of it like a breakup

Is this quits foreverz? 

Maybe? Maybe not? I don't know yet. 

I DO know that I need distance. I need to separate myself from the business. I need to set it aside and not be ALLOWED to look at it. I can't remain active with access to my back office and everything AND sort things out with myself. I'm not wired that way. I've tried that in the past and it does not work for me. 

So I'll be hanging up my coaching shoes for 6-8 months. That's a reasonable amount of time. At the end of it I'll reevaluate my decision. At that point, I'll decide if I'm going to give it another go or stay away for good.

I'm sorry. I feel like I need to say that...especially to my coaches and my customers. I feel like I'm letting you all down but I won't do anything differently. This has been a long time coming. It was my husband's brief absence that really made me realize that this was what I needed to do. 

I hope you'll support me in my decision and help me on my new journey. 

My husband was on a Temporary Duty Assignment for the last couple of weeks. 

Surprise!

That's the drawback to having a blog and my Facebook set on "public." I didn't feel comfortable telling THE WORLD my husband was gone. 

Woman basically alone in the house for 2 weeks! Come on over! 

Yeah.....no.

Major freaking KUDOS to all of  the single moms out there. I did it for 12 days and I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. 

I cried a lot...out of stress. Yeah, I missed my husband but I knew he wasn't in immediate danger and we talked daily. It was mostly this overwhelming sense of "I can't do this" that got me.

I learned a lot about myself too.  So it wasn't all stress and crazy. 

That's a lie. 

It was all stress and crazy with some self reflection forced upon me from my brain. 

First of all, I need to figure out how to prepare my kids better next time. They sort of freaked out after a few days and I swear they were thinking...

I also realized a lot about my business and where that's going. There's a video PROMISED to explain all of that so stay tuned. 

I realized my diet sucks if I have no accountability. I swung back and forth between "EAT ALL THE JUNK" and "If I have to look at food I'll gag." I'm pretty sure I gained weight while he was gone. 12 days and I put on weight. Ugh.

So now, he's home and I'm recuperating. The kids are unharmed and the house is standing. (Wrecked...but standing) I'm not curled up in the corner. 

However, if you need me I'll probably be lost in a book somewhere. 

Edit: Due to people having too much time on their hands (and zero tact) the comments are now filtered and set at "approve" only. 

Grow up.