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Behind the Tiara: Snow White

2/17/2014

1 Comment

 
This is the first in, hopefully, a series of posts looking deeper at the Disney Princess movies. I've seen Frozen all over the internet being praise as "THANK GOD, a movie where it isn't just about finding a prince!" So, I wondered if I could find deeper meanings in the other movies. 

Facebook suggested I go by order of publication so that put Snow White at the top of the list! 

Ready? 
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First off, I'd forgotten how dreadfully BORING this movie actually is...seriously, BORING. I kept having to remind myself it was one of the first of its kind and it came out in 1937...

I saw this movie as a story about a girl becoming a woman while dealing with an abusive step-mother. 

The Evil Queen (EQ) forces SW to wear rags and work as a scullery maid. Basically, we're talking abusive situation. We don't see them interact (other than the poison apple) so I'm left assuming that SW was ignored...much like the other "help" would have been. 

However, she still maintains a hopeful outlook. She has faith that one day her prince will come and take her away from a bad situation. According to the internet, this would have taken place in the 1500's. Wanting to find a good husband was an appropriate goal! Even if we're talking the 1930's!! We shouldn't be shaming SW for finding SOMETHING, ANYTHING to keep her going each day. 

The Prince is actually the creep here, to me anyway. HE jumps a wall to profess his love for this girl that, presumably, he hasn't met before. SHE runs into the castle in a state of freakout. She wants A prince but doesn't throw herself at THIS prince. I give her points for that. 

After she runs from the Huntsman she has a panic attack in the woods. Her reaction after calming down?
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This shouldn't be taken as "SEE, she's apologizing for having feelings! Disney wants our daughters weak and quiet!" 
Anyone that's been in an abusive relationship knows that your feelings are constantly minimized and stomped down. SW is simply reacting in the way she's been taught: That her feelings don't matter. I don't see this as her "princess training" but more as her "victim grooming." 

When she comes upon the Dwarf House she believes orphan children live there. She wants to help them and does the ONLY THING SHE KNOWS and cleans up for them. I didn't see this as "girls are only good for cleaning/cooking" at all. I saw a girl who was taught she was only useful as a MAID and did what she knew she was good at: cooking and cleaning. 

When SW eats the apple given by the EQ it's only after she's told it's a WISHING apple. This is a girl that has had nothing to hold on to in life except her wishes and dreams. 
But Kas, isn't it silly that she believes biting an apple will grant her wish? 
Isn't it silly to wish on a shooting star? To wish when you blow out candles? To wish at 11:11? What makes YOUR silly rituals different from hers? 

Now...on to the HIDDEN THEME (in my opinion, anyway)

Snow White is a story about a girl growing up. 

The EQ is considered the "fairest of them all" until SW turns 14...until she hits puberty. The queen wishes to have her killed: she wants to keep a little girl from growing up. 

Each of the dwarfs can be seen as personality traits that someone going through the roller coaster that is puberty would experience. 
Doc: Analytical
Grumpy
Happy
Dopey: child-like
Sleepy
Bashful
Sneezy...okay, I couldn't fit this one in BUT I do remember being sick a lot as a teen? 

SW embraces these dwarfs...these changes...with open arms and an open heart. The EQ is the one that has a problem with it. 

The "growing up" and losing innocence is also clear when we talk about how to break the spell. It isn't "True Love's Kiss" that breaks it. The key is "True Love's FIRST Kiss." In order to make that final step from childhood to adulthood SW basically has to lose her innocence in the form of her first kiss. 

And don't talk to me about "she needed a prince to save her!" The girl was in a magically induced coma. She isn't pulling out of that herself. 

What role-models can we find in this story? 

Male: The Huntsman is actually a great role-model. He refuses to kill SW. He is a shining example of standing up for what you believe in!! 
The Dwarfs are also pretty good role-models. They're hard workers. They genuinely care about SW. They sacrifice their own comfort and sleep downstairs so that she can sleep in the comfortable beds. 

Female: Surprisingly, Snow White. She maintains hope and a positive outlook in the face of abuse. When she's alone in the woods she still has the mentality of "I'll be fine. I can do this." She never stops dreaming and keeps faith that someday she won't have to put up with the abuse any longer. That takes serious strength. 

Edited to Add: The only violence or mistreatment in this movie is woman on woman. The huntsman (male) refused to harm the girl. The dwarfs (male) take her in and accept her. It's the queen (a woman) that wants to harm another female. So it's actually the men that come out as the good guys.
1 Comment

The Abusive Christian Grey: Part 3

2/16/2014

3 Comments

 
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That gif is just TOO perfect! 

As always: Trigger Warning enabled. I read too much and know too many things. Keep it clean. Let's have a good fight. Wait...no...what?

Right to it. If you haven't read the rest please go HERE to get caught up!
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This post contains more opinion on my part than some of the others. If you disagree that's fine, but do so respectfully.

Christian offers no aftercare. 
Aftercare is something that happens after a scene. Each submissive's need for aftercare is different. Some need to be cuddled. Some need blankets/chocolate/water (everyone should have water in my opinion). Some just need to be left alone. 
Aftercare is necessary because a scene can involve a serious release of endorphins. You know how after sex a lot of women want to cuddle? It's that, but on crack. 
After their first more intense scene (spanking involved), Christian offers zero aftercare. He doesn't even find out what kind of aftercare she needs. She later has a huge sobbing breakdown THAT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO HELP WITH ORIGINALLY. 
A sub's mental/emotional/physical health following any encounter is the responsibility of the Dominant. Christian falls away from this many times. 

He punishes her improperly. 
He warned her that if she rolled her eyes she would receive a spanking. Fine. That's their dynamic and their rules. 
However, he does it wrong (in my opinion). 
Disciplining an adult is the same as a child. Any parent knows you discuss what went wrong before AND after the punishment. The same applies to adults. 
Christian, however, doesn't go into it. A proper way of dealing out a punishment would have been to remind her "I told you that rolling your eyes offends me and what the punishment would be. Do you understand?" Apply punishment. And then go over it with her after. 
It seemed more out of frustration or anger to me. 

There is a lack of trust between them. 
She doesn't trust him to control himself. He doesn't trust her to safe word. 
They shouldn't "play" together until trust is established. Period. Let me caps that. YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T TRUST 100%. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

He tracks her down in another state when she needs time to think. 
This was just creepy to me. He figures out her schedule and whatnot. It doesn't speak of trust to me. 
I had an ex that did that kind of thing. There's a reason he's my ex. 

He uses sex to shut her up. 
This goes back to using sex as a weapon. (I believe that was in part 1)

She doesn't enjoy pain, but he continues. 
I ended my last post discussing this. Christian Grey is a sexual sadist. He gets pleasure by inflicting pain. However, that is usually paired with sexual masochism....people that find pleasure in pain. 
They are mismatched. Ana may learn to enjoy the submission part, but she doesn't like pain and that isn't necessarily something you can TEACH someone. He, being the experienced one, should see this and end the relationship. Since he can only enjoy sex THIS WAY, he shouldn't be with someone that can't. 


I don't know when the next series on this will come out...because I have to read the next book for it to happen.
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3 Comments

Terrible Twos?? haha

2/12/2014

0 Comments

 
Boy2 turned 3 last month. 
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Three is this in between time that no one talks about (Because they probably spent it at the bottom of a bottle of wine and blocked out the details.)
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Three year olds have the emotional stability and patience of a 2 year old BUT more verbal capacity (read: more backchat) and a louder voice. 

Yeah...fun times. 
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0 Comments

The Abusive Christian Grey: Part 2

2/8/2014

0 Comments

 
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I'm back. I've put it off long enough. 

Before I start this installment I have a disclaimer (other than the obvious Trigger Warning that still applies) 

When I get into a subject I tend to research it into the ground. Beat a dead horse and all of that. If there's more to learn? I'm going to learn it. So now you get the results. 
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FIRST STEP! If you used 50 Shades of Grey as your "how to" guide I want you to raise your right hand!
Now take that raised hand and slap yourself firmly across the face. Once more, for me. 

This book presents BDSM horribly and sets the inexperienced and unresearched up for injury. 

Yep. I said it. On to the evidence. 

He is constantly providing alcohol to her.
She shouldn't be making decisions on alcohol. She shouldn't be playing (kinky sex) on alcohol. Yes, if you're experienced AND with someone you trust you can get lax on this rule and have a drink or two. But Ana has never done this before and should have her full attention focused on what's going on around her. 
This is not an across the board thing. Some communities see nothing wrong with a little alcohol to loosen up. Truthfully, I don't either. However, Ana has shown that she doesn't handle alcohol well and Christian KNOWS THIS. He seems to give her wine to make her submit more. That is something I take issue with...

When she asks about Safe Words (an acceptable question) his response is "First of all, I hope you never have to use them..."
This bothers me because it sets an unrealistic expectation for Ana. Someone as naive as Ana could be swayed by this comment and hold back a safe word so she doesn't upset her Dom. Safe words aren't there to piss off your Dominant. They are there to protect the submissive's body and mind. A better way to phrase this would have been "My goal is to keep you safe and comfortable. If you feel uncomfortable you say 'Yellow' and we'll pause and reevaluate. If you reach a limit say 'Red' and everything stops." 
Because that's the way it should be, darlings. Safe Word is the equivalent of calling 911. 

The first time he practices bondage with her (tying her with a tie) he doesn't establish safe words and he does it without scissors nearby. 
Ana is new to the lifestyle. Christian should be reviewing safe words (and having her repeat them) each time they play WITHOUT FAIL. It should be drilled into her head. It's not. And this comes up later. 
NEVER practice bondage without a quick out. First of all, silk is horrible for the job because it knots up tightly very quickly. I don't even tie my silk robe tie in a knot! Always have scissors or something close by to remove your chosen bondage implement quickly. 
He also doesn't check her circulation and that bothers me too. He should be checking every so often to make sure that it's not too tight or that she hasn't twisted it up. Even the most experienced does this.

"We can work up to caning...but it's part of the deal" when she expresses FEAR and wishes to make it a hard limit. 
Lesson: The submissive  has most of the power in these relationships. The submissive sets their hard limits. The submissive can Safe Word out. The submissive HANDS OVER TRUST AND CONTROL. 
Therefore, if the submissive puts down a hard limit and the Dominant shrugs it off? Run, do not walk, away. If caning someone is part of his deal he needs to find someone that enjoys being caned. Period. Yes, limits can change. But this is one of their first kink encounters. Limits don't change that quickly. 
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My current theory is that Grey is not just a Dominant. He's a sadist. He ENJOYS inflicting pain. 
That isn't necessarily a problem if you find someone that enjoys receiving pain (a masochist). Ana expresses her EXTREME dislike for pain on more than one occasion. Yes, she enjoys light pain but the extreme stuff is not her thing. That is FINE....as long as Christian can accept that. (Spoiler: He sucks at it)
Basically: I see nothing wrong with sadism BUT Ana is not consenting to or excited by it. She's not a masochist by any means and that's what he needs. 

Thus ends Part 2. I have at least one more installment for Book One. Until then, do your research (And DEAR LORD, don't use Wikipedia.) 
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