I wasn't sure I was going to write this. The idea formed in my brain and I refused to consider it. 

But I feel that it's necessary. 

See, some of the most hateful people I've ever met have been intactivists. (anti-circumcision) Don't get me wrong, pro-circ people, you're not off the hook. But this is for my fellow anti-circ friends. 

My first son was circ'd. I did no research and didn't consider any other way. When I saw what it truly was and had to take care of him? I started asking questions. 

I didn't like most of the answers. 

I was especially curious about how to broach the subject of having one son circ'd and one son intact. You'd THINK this would be an easy thing to answer. I got two main schools of thought...

The self-righteous: "I wouldn't know because I'm not a baby mutilator." 
The passive aggressive: "I would tell him 'by the time I learned the right way there was no hope for you.'" 

Right. That's totally unhelpful. 

I stopped researching for a LONG time because I had a ton of Mommy guilt and felt constantly attacked ("You let some rapist mutilate your child???") It was the unemotional and logical friends that helped me make the decision. 

I've seen some of the WORST BULLYING led by intactivist groups. 

People's Facebook pages are posted publicly and privately with the name visible. It's understood that you're supposed to go and harass the poster (under the guise "inform") about how circumcision is wrong. 

Things like this:

People on the page that posted the image made comments about her appearance and how she's obviously an attention ho. 

Because that's SO helpful. Tell anyone they're an attention grabbing *insert expletive* and they'll easily see your side of the argument. 

When a few of us got on to say, "Hey, this is bullying and it's wrong" we were basically told that she DESERVES IT for mutilating her child. 

You know the common vein of bullies and rapists, right? The victim deserves it. 

Just as an FYI: If someone has ALREADY had their son cut there isn't much you can do to reverse the decision. Telling them that they're a moron or disgusting is just going to put a bad taste in their mouth about intactivism. Chances are, they won't go researching ever again because they don't want to risk coming in contact with more hate. (That's almost what happened in my case)

I'm sure I'm going to catch all sorts of hell for this post. Recently, a member of a FB group posted about being mindful of their words...and was told that no one takes to kindly to being told how to behave. 

I get being angry. I get angry about how people are LIED TO by doctors when it comes to circumcision and intact care. I get that. 

I don't understand the hate. AT ALL. More flies with honey, people. It's not worth it to be a total jerk to someone else. There is a way to present information without attacking someone. 

Or maybe I'm just bad at intactivism. 

You've probably made a few of these mistakes...I know I have. But here's hoping that you never make them again, because they're annoying.

1. Comparison Game
Every person is different. Every child is different. Stop comparing everyone. 
When Mom sighs that she hasn't slept in 3 days because Baby wants to wake up every hour she does NOT need to hear about your friend's child that slept through the night at 2 weeks. She doesn't need to hear that So-And-So's kid started walking/talking/doing calculus straight out of the womb. We're stressed enough when it comes to wondering if our kids are normal. Stop it. 

2. Feeding Choices
Now, I'm very pro breastfeeding. I will argue the merits of breastfeeding and support nursing in public with total strangers. 
However, there is a time and place for this. 
When Mom pulls out a bottle of formula to feed her 6 month old she doesn't need your "breast is best" comments or to get asked why she's not nursing. She has her reasons. She may have tried and it didn't work out. Unless she laments being unable to nurse and ASKS for your advice? Shut up. 
On the flip side, if Mom is having trouble nursing but is committed to making it work she doesn't want to hear how Susie's little Snowflake Princess was on formula and is now a doctor or whatever.

3. Feeding Choices 2
The "shut up about food" doesn't stop when the child gets older. I don't care if Mom never lets her child eat foods that start with "D" because Devil starts with "D" and she doesn't support Satan. Don't comment about it. You can roll your eyes behind her back. You can comment on it after she's gone. But when she's standing in front of you your job is to smile, nod, AND FOLLOW THE RULES. 
My oldest can't have high fructose corn syrup or food dye. 2 sips of a Gatorade turn him into a crazy demon child (which also starts with D) For someone whose child CAN eat those things without issue? I look crazy. I've stopped caring. Don't feed my kid crap.

4. Other Choices
My kids don't watch Spongebob. For some reason this stupid yellow thing is considered classic kid stuff. I hate him. He annoys me and studies have linked it with an increase in ADHD behavior. There are a dozen other things that my kids watch. But the looks I get for refusing Spongebob? It's crazy. 
My kids also don't say certain things. Shut up, stupid, hate, and moron come to mind first. If YOU say it around them they'll correct you. Don't shoot me an annoyed look. Laugh it off and move on. They're just kids. 

5. Keep your "but" to yourself
Oddly enough, this is a general rule for my household! 
If your sentence has a 'but' in the middle of it I probably don't want to hear it. 

Examples: 
I support nursing in public but...only if mom is covered.
Breastfeeding is great but...there's nothing wrong with formula. 
That's cool that your son is intact but...isn't it weird?
I'm all for natural birth but...
He's so sweet but...
Etc

I'm going to be the bearer of bad news. 

I wish I could say I take no pleasure in doing this...but I do. Oh, I take plenty of pleasure. 

You don't have children? Or maybe you just had your first baby? 

You.Know.Nothing.About.Parenting.

I know, this comes as a shock. You're full of advice and tips and tricks. You may have worked in a daycare center. You may babysit family members from time to time. Hell, you may even have friends with children. 

It doesn't matter. You know nothing. 

It's okay. I was once like you. I had a laundry list of things I would NEVER do and things that MY children would never get away with (especially in public). When I got pregnant I had my entire parenting philosophy planned out. My household rules were set before Boy1 was as big as a grapefruit. 

And I followed these things until he was born. 

Suddenly I came to the same realization I'm sharing with you now: I Knew NOTHING about being a parent. 

No TV? Here, watch this show so I can do a load of dishes, vacuum, or breathe alone for 10 seconds. 

No themed toys/clothing? Here, you love Cars right? Will you wear underwear more often if Mater is on your butt? You will!! Here's a pack of Cars underwear. 

I was the same person that looked with disdain at screaming children in the grocery store. You may have nodded in solidarity with me when I whispered, "God, take that child out to the car or come back later." But when I WAS that parent? He's screaming because he's tired and *wants* to go to the car. So leaving is giving in to his little demands. He's overwhelmed because everyone keeps touching him or talking to him. This is the only spare few minutes that we had to go shopping today and we're trying to be fast so please don't stare. 

No, I can't call you tomorrow. The instant I try to pick up the phone is the same instant the screaming fight starts. Unless you want to have a conversation that sounds like a recording of a Tourette's patient you'll have to settle with a text, Facebook PM, or email. I probably *could* call after the kids are in bed, but I won't. That's MY time, not yours. If the day went smoothly I might be in the mood for a phone call. If it was a typical day I'll be cuddled on the couch with my husband and a bottle of wine trying not to cry (and probably failing)

I could do without the sideways look as you bite back a smile at my disheveled appearance as well. It took 20 minutes to get the kids dressed and ready to go. Which probably left 5 minutes (10 if I got lucky) for myself. You're lucky I'm wearing pants. 

So go ahead and assume that I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't. I know that. I'm learning as I go. You, however, can stop assuming that you DO know everything. You don't. It's best for everyone if you acknowledge that or at the very least....

Because I'm doing the best I can without your "help." 

You're invited to the Pity Party!!

Sunday was BEAST Legs. I overdid it...by A LOT. 

I had the BRILLIANT thought on Sunday to let my allergy kid "eat whatever" because "I can deal with the fallout later."

Nevermind that the "fallout" for him is behavioral. So he's spent the morning having screaming, freakout tantrums. 

My throat is sore like I'm getting sick. I've been exhausted for the last several days so I probably AM getting sick. 

However, I'm a mom...moms can't get sick. We have $hit to do.

Add in that there's a SMELL in my kitchen that is indicative of a dead animal? (coming from the freaking wall)

My first instinct is to be DONE. I even told my husband as much (with more swearing...)

Buuuut

I have to parent, get some work done, and try to clean up a bit. 

When my husband and I started dating I uttered a word that he immediately banned. 

It's a word I'd used all the time. I'd had it used to describe me. 

I saw nothing wrong with the word. I felt like it was the best way to describe how I was feeling. 

The word? 

Perfect. 

Hubby immediately halted the conversation and made it lovingly clear that neither of us was perfect. We WOULD make mistakes. There WOULD be hurt feelings. There WOULD be disagreements. 

And that's OKAY. 

It was the moment I realized the big flaw in my previous relationship: We'd placed each other on that "Perfect" Pedestal. When either of us made a mistake (a very human thing to do) that image was shattered. 

By going in knowing that neither of us was perfect there was no pedestal from which to fall. He never let me place him up high enough to fall. He kept my feet firmly planted next to his. 

And we've been together since 2005. 

So there's something to removing The P Word from your vocabulary.

Yep. Totally made these up on the fly. I had to SEARCH for marshmallows without food coloring (seriously, why do they need blue dye?) and found them at Walmart of all places. 

1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup peanut butter
4.5 cups marshmallows
4 cups Cheerios

Melt first 2, melt in marshmallows, stir in cereal...mix well and press into pan. Let cool. Cut. Eat.

The ONLY issue is the coconut oil doesn't integrate like butter...so they're a little oily to the touch. But still yummy. You can also taste the coconut oil but we're used to it! 

I'm calling it Stroganoff HOWEVER I've never had properly prepared stroganoff. Cafeteria food doesn't count. 

I didn't set out to make stroganoff specifically...but with the egg noodles that's how it turned out *shrug* Whatever. 

I super suck at measuring. So know that going in...

Put your noodles on to cook.

I grabbed thin cut steaks and sliced it up. I did a basic seasoning with salt, pepper, and garlic. Cook it in an oiled pan with some diced onion until it's as cooked as you like. 

Pull the steak out and keep the pan low-med hot. 

This is where the fake measuring comes in...

I floured the pan drippings until it was all mixed well. Grab a whisk and add some almond milk and whisk well. I also added some Braggs Liquid Aminos. Keep playing with the seasonings (garlic, pepper, onion) until it's to your liking. Once you have a good gravy consistency (play with the liquid and flours) add the steak back in. Stir until coated and add in pasta by the handful until there's no visible "gravy" in the pan. (Until it's all stuck to the pasta)


DONE! Easy, super yummy, and it reheats pretty well. 

Yesterday I was "off." 

I felt horrible emotionally. Like, sick and toxic. I don't know exactly what was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it. It's too early for PMS (or it should be...PMDD?) 

I can't look inside myself or listen to my inner voice to figure these things out. 

Why?

My Inner Voice is a liar. 

It's something we went over in counseling...My inner monologue isn't like everyone else's. I can't necessarily listen to it. It tells me all of the bad things (most blown out of proportion) 

I've been struggling to find balance lately. Balance between family and work. Balance in my diet. 

See, I see things as black and white a lot of times. Foods are good and bad. My diet will make me skinny or uber fat. I'm a good parent or a sucky parent. Etc...

I'm struggling with a balance between "Restrict all the foods," eat healthy, and "Eat all the junk because it doesn't matter and I'll be fat anyway." 

I have to retrain my body to not hate food. It's absolutely zero fun. 

Sorry for the downer post...I'll have some recipes in the next day or so. 

An illustrated list of some of this week's feelings!


My WiFi on my laptop keeps going out. 

Boy2 is on the floor, kicking and screaming, in the middle of another tantrum...

Boy1 comes in and tells me he and his brother will like me more if I listen to them. "Just say yes you will listen, Mommy. We'll like you again if you say it."

When I have any sort of female related pain

"I'll be working several Saturdays next month...and late for a lot of nights toward the end of the month. There will be at least one night when I work almost overnight."