I tried this wine:

Annnnd made this face

I'll stick to pink and fizzy...

A lot of my friends have small businesses. Some work in MLM like I used to, some do something crafty, etc... 

So this is a small tip that can make a big impact!! 

I'm about to sound like your mother but....

Thank You Cards

Come on, Kas! We live in the digital age! I can just send an email or a text. 

This is exactly why you shouldn't. 

A quick handwritten card means so much. Even if all it says is, "Thanks for ordering!"

And don't spend an arm and a leg on cards. These pretty things were nearly half off at Target. They're blank on the inside so I can write whatever I want. 

Or you can reach for the ever trusty Amazon! (my favorite because I don't have to interact with people)

So go the extra mile and include a card in anything you send out!!! You can send an email or a text AS WELL, but take the 5 mins to include a personal touch. 

And, sometimes, you should just send a friend a note that says "Thanks for being you." Trust me. They'll love it!!!

It's been a week and a half and I'm still hurting. It's not overwhelming but I still have NO IDEA what's going on. So here's my list of why I'm irritated about it...

1. Pain Med Side Effects
I'm woozy and sleepy most of the time. (Courtesy of the Vicodin I take at night) I'm on a pain patch during the day which also makes me sleepy AND alters my taste buds. So sometimes things taste wrong. (Sausage and Eggs? You mean bowl full of dirty pennies?) 

2. Scary Possible Side Effects
I'm constantly on guard because the meds BOTH have the possibility of shredding my stomach lining, wrecking my liver, and destroying my kidneys. It's a little scary. 

3. Constant Fear
I don't know what I did to hurt myself...if I did anything at all. So I'm suddenly super careful because I don't want to reinjure myself. No I can't lift a kid, push the couch, bend over to get laundry, etc...I don't know which action CAUSED THIS. I also can't work out....which extra sucks. 

4. Inconsistent Pain
There is no one motion/movement that triggers the pain. Sometimes I can bed at the waist, sometimes it shoots across my ribcage. Sometimes I can lay on my left side, sometimes it's agony. Sometimes I sit with no pain at all until I get up...and sometimes it hurts all the time.

5. The doctor is confused. Normally rib pain is caused my trauma. I've had none... It's a little disconcerting to be hurting (ha, random poetry win) and have the doctor scratching her head. 

This was a LONG week. 

Monday: Husband's birthday. He was at work until 1am. We basically didn't see him all day. 

Tuesday: Hello sciatic pain. I love pain that shoots down my leg and wraps around to my foot. FUN TIMES. 

Wednesday: Oh, still here? Yay. I'll roll on the floor in agony now. 

Thursday: I didn't know what agony was until this rib pain. Seriously, I thought there was something horribly wrong. I WENT TO THE DOCTOR. I never go to the doctor. 
It didn't help. Apparently woman + anxiety/depression + rib pain = abuse victim. I feel like it affected my care. I'm a little pissed. 

Friday: Pain is somewhat controlled with medication. I'm going to run out pretty soon so I might do an Urgent Care visit this weekend. BUT IT'S FRIDAY!!!

Depression is actually pretty common. You know what else is common? People being insensitive jerks to people with depression. A lot of you don't mean to and don't REALIZE you've done it. 

So, of course, here I am to point it out. 

To someone that's never experienced depression I feel like this is their idea of what it is: 

What I always felt like (feel like)

So let's get to the meat of the post. This might be sort of long so deal with it...

What you said: Why don't you just choose to be happy?  OR Just get over it.

Why it's rude: Depression is not a choice anymore than cancer or diabetes is a choice. I HATE feeling this way. I hate feeling isolated. I hate that even when I'm happy my brain doesn't shut up. Even when I'm happy the thoughts are still there...I'm just doing better at ignoring them. Depression is not a choice. 

What you said: You should pray about it.

Why it's rude: Okay, I'm hesitant to refer to prayer suggestion as rude but....I've noticed this is usually said to people after they choose medication. I believe in prayer. I believe that God can heal anything. I also believe that sometimes it's okay to choose medication. You pray that God heals your diabetes...but you still use your freaking insulin. 

What you said: You're being selfish OR It's just for attention

Why it's rude: Again, depression is an ILLNESS. Do people get cancer for attention? If someone has a raging stomach virus are they selfish for resting? No. Then shut up. MOST of what goes on in my head STAYS THERE. If I were doing it for attention I'd whine every intrusive thought I ever had. I don't. Trust me. 

What you said: What do you have to be depressed about? 

Why it's rude: I can make a sunrise depressing if I think about it long enough. Flowers, fresh air, etc... My mind is a dark place. YOU may not see anything to be depressed about but I see everything. 

What you said: Sometimes I get sad too, but it doesn't stop me from XYZ.

Why it's rude: Depression is not "the blues." Depression is not "I feel sad." Anxiety is not "I'm a little nervous." They're overwhelming and all encompassing. It's the difference between "I got splashed at the pool" and "I'm drowning." 

What you said: You don't look the type. 

Why it's rude: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I'm depressed so I should wear all black? NO. Just no.

What you said: Other people have it worse.

Why it's rude: So? I can't feel feelings because someone else has it worse. That's like telling the rape victim she needs to stop talking about it because she survived and other people have it worse and don't. It's wrong. 

At the end of the day remember this:

At the end of the day, these things HURT. It's hurtful when someone says "I have low self esteem" and your response is "it's for attention." It hurts when people minimize what I'm going through because they don't understand. It's hard to feel like I can be honest with anyone when the responses out there are so negative. 

I was in therapy from March through July (2013). I told, oh, about 6 people. The world knew I was on medication but I never admitted to counseling until my last couple of sessions. I couldn't bear the thought of someone judging me when I already felt judged for needing medication. It shouldn't have to be that way.