It comes up on Facebook a lot so I'm putting it ALL down in a blog...because I'm lazy and sharing a link is easier than typing a novel each time. 

I willingly submit to my husband. 

The general feeling when I say that is something like this:

Because when people hear "submission" (outside of the kinky sense) they see this

When I talk about submission in MY marriage I want you to erase every stereotype that you know about being submissive. 

1) I don't beg my husband for money. 
I ASK my husband before I spend money because HE keeps track of the finances better than I do. There are months where $20 could break our bank so, yeah, I ask before spending that much. I do have a credit card but I'm responsible enough to not use it unless necessary. It's not asking permission...it's asking what the finances look like today and if a purchase will effect them a week from now. 
I suck with money. I used to have a shopping problem (borderline addiction) and I hate math. Hubby is Math-Guy. He's also FINANCE in the Air Force. So money is kind of his job.

2) He has the final say in major decisions...after we've talked about it. 
I suck at decision making. I really really do. It's a RELIEF to hand that over to him. (Well, most of the time) When a big decision has to be made we discuss it, I make sure my opinions are heard, and then HE makes the final call. It's just easier that way. 

3) He doesn't micromanage. 
Seriously? Who has time for that crap? He has a full-time job. If he had to leave a list of things for me to do and set out rules for how my day went? He'd go crazy. I make a lot of the parenting decisions simply because I'm here all day. I can't call him every single time a decision needs to be made. That's impractical. We share chores because it's OUR house. It's not his kingdom with me as the scullery maid.

4) I could leave if I wanted to. 
I DON'T WANT TO. Let's get that very freaking clear. But I feel no fear in my marriage. I'm safe at home. No abuse or violence of any kind. The finances would be a struggle but I'm not working so that's MY deal. He doesn't prevent me from working. That's MY choice. (And it saves a crap-ton of money)

5) Most importantly, I choose to. 
I made these decisions. I CHOOSE to submit to my husband because it's what I believe is Biblical and best for ME. Do I think it's best for everyone? It doesn't matter. That's not my call. It's not my job to tell you how to run your marriage. I believe that submission in a healthy marriage can work beautifully. But not every marriage is healthy. Not every marriage has the same dynamics. Sometimes the woman works while the man stays at home. That's fine too if it works for you. If you both work? That must be hard and my heart goes out to you, but whatever you need to do to make your household run...do it. 


According to misandrists (my new favorite term) I should feel bad about these decisions because it makes patriarchy look like a good idea. 

But you know me...

If you follow me on Facebook (or are a trusted friend that has been getting my emotionally charged emails/texts) you know I've tried a new parenting approach.

The Hardass Approach

Early last week I was FED UP. Part of it was probably the stupid NuvaRing hormones (I've since taken that piece of crap out) 
It started with banning certain foods for the week. It was foods that created massive messes from misuse. On the list was mango cups (chunks in juice), syrup, and coconut water. Why? Because the kids got it EVERYWHERE. I'm talking a good 6 inches worth of mess on the table...from each food. 

Next I tried something I've threatened to do but hadn't followed through with yet...

I grabbed a trash bag and started bagging up toys. 

Refuse to listen? I'll get a bag.
Yell at me? Oh look, a trash bag. 
Leaving toys out after I said pick them up? Hmm guess where they're going. 

Things like this?

I stood there with 2 trash bags. One for broken items and one for the rest of the stuff. THEY loaded them up.

At one point I'd taken away 95% of their toys and said I'd be getting a bag. Boy1 commented that I'd already taken everything...in a tone that said "haha, I win." 

Nope.

I felt like a shoddy parent. Big time. However, when I realized that it took 6 full sized trash bags to gather up their toys? I felt less bad. 

In venting my frustration I saw my friend list divide into two camps. 
Camp One was cheering me on and telling me that I just needed to hold out before I saw results. 
Camp Two saw the frustration and assumed it wasn't working. 

Well, the verdict is in.....


And it's working. 

At first it was SO MINUTE I didn't notice until hours later. For instance, at one point Boy1 demanded I get him some water. I calmly told him that there was a cup on the kitchen table and he could walk in there and get it. He yelled that he wanted it in his water bottle. I refused and ignored his next attempt to yell. He paused, sighed, "okay" and went to get it. 

Now, for someone who's kid doesn't fight them on everything? You don't see that as a triumph. For me with the child that needs a stronger word than "stubborn?" THAT WAS FREAKING HUGE!

Yesterday was full of better choices and better listening. Tonight I'm going to work on a "Good Choices" chart or something because I actually CAN now. 

But Kas, you're asking, what about all of their toys? 

They'll get some of them back. No way are they getting all of the bags back. I'll choose 1-2 bags worth for them to have, put anything great in a bin for future rotation/storage, and donate the crap out of the rest of it. 

I'll keep you updated on the progress. But I'm excited that I FINALLY DID SOMETHING RIGHT parenting wise. 

So I've been on my own personal step down program for a week and a half now. 

I'm currently at a 1/4 of my original dose. It's going REALLY well. Like, shockingly well. I actually knew it was time to cut down from 1/2 to 1/4 because I suddenly felt really really good. 

I've had a few side effects. Nothing too horrible.

- I've been short tempered BUT I'm also coming off of PMDD and starting a new birth control so my hormones are all wonky. 

- I was exhausted for several days. A lot of people said they had TROUBLE sleeping when coming off of Zoloft but I couldn't get enough sleep. 

- Intermittent nausea. But that could be related to...

- Zero appetite. Like, I don't notice it's time to eat until I'm weak and dizzy. Even then, I don't care about food or eating. I do it because I NEED to but I don't get hungry. 

- Brain Zaps. I'd read about these but didn't know what it meant until I'd experienced it. It's almost like a tiny seizure. (I'm NOT making light of epilepsy. This is all I can imagine to compare it to) My brain will shut down for a split second. Sometimes part of my body jerks (or my entire torso). It's like being shocked. It's the weirdest side effect yet. From what I've read, it's not dangerous.

If things ramp up I've also read I can control some of the issues with a dose of Benedryl. Well, except for the exhaustion.