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We've moved from one state to another before, but it didn't even count as a decent warm-up round for this epic adventure.

If you're here looking for tips and tricks on how to make a long road trip seamless and pain free...

You've brought me to Advice Tip #1: Be Realistic 

Do your kids fight at home? Then they're going to fight on the road. Do they whine and talk back at home? Guess what isn't going to change on a road trip! 

All of the planned activities and toys in the world will not completely stop the monotony of being in the car. 

Advice Tip #2: Pack Your Essentials 

No, not the ones already on your list. This isn't a weekend trip to grandma's house! This is a long, difficult road trip! Think outside the box, er, bag? 

I'll link a comprehensive list as soon as I write it. But think along the lines of your own toilet paper and Poo Pourri Spray (stop laughing, I'm serious). 

Advice Tip #3: Make The Most Of The Car

SILENCE IS DEADLY! 

You know how silence makes your Mommy Sense tingle because it usually means the kids are breaking something? Silence is an opportunity for the children to make that noise. You know the one. The noise that will make you briefly consider tossing said child from the moving vehicle? THAT NOISE. 

My family is super weird and we listend to the Welcome To Nightvale podcast for a majority of the drive. 

​We also played a couple of games! The winner (and only one I recommend for the car) was Loaded Questions Junior. The boys LOVED this one and I'm going to put it in our regular game box. 

Advice Tip #4: Maximize Your Stops

Your kids will spend 10 minutes in the gas station picking out their snack if you let them. 

ASK ME HOW I KNOW!

It took us a few days to figure out how to combat this and stop adding literal hours each day. 

At the first stop we let the kids pick out 3 snacks and 3 drinks. (We did the same) Then everyone chose one of each item and we put the rest in the trunk. (It was cold for the trip so use a cooler if it's warm) 

When we stopped to pee we would each grab a fresh snack or drink if we needed/wanted it. 

Boom. Seriously saved us a good hour each day. 

You're welcome. 

Chances are you've read a few "Things That Happen During Pregnancy" articles/blogs in your lifetime. Some wax poetic about how your body is changing to grow a human. Others rant about all of the gross things that happen. 

Well here's one about the 4 things I wasn't prepared to have happen to my body. These things won't happen to everyone, but they're more common than you might think.

​ WARNING: I'm about to get personal!

1) Favorite Foods Become The Enemy
I was one of the lucky ones that didn't puke with my morning sickness. I just spent the entire day so nauseated I couldn't eat...so maybe not THAT lucky. 
Suddenly, my favorite things in the world started triggering overwhelming nausea. Someone making coffee? Gag. Handling meat? Someone else do it, please. 
Then came the heartburn. I craved spicy food but ended up in awful pain afterwards. 
When my uterus got freaking huge, I ate constantly because anything more than a small serving made me painfully full. 

2) Everything Hurts
Never had joint pain before? You do now! That sharp stitch in your side? Probably "Round Ligament Pain" thanks to muscles stretching out. So congested you feel like your head is in a vice? Welcome to Pregnant Rhinitis. When that's over you can enjoy your nose being dry and cracking on the inside. 
Just wait until that baby settles down closer to the birth canal. It feels like you're smuggling a bowling ball in your vagina. 
Those sweet baby kicks that feel weird and cool at the same time? Not as much fun on your ribcage...and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

3) Stretch Marks...Everywhere. And I Do Mean Everywhere.
I'm convinced everyone who says they didn't get stretch marks during pregnancy either didn't look hard enough or is a genetic mutant and not to be trusted. 
I got stretch marks in the expected places: Belly, Hips, Breasts (I already had those thanks to my boobs being freaking huge) 
I didn't expect to get stretch marks in Lady Land. 
You heard me. 
Stretch Marks. In my lower bathing suit area. 
What. The. Actual. Hell. 

4) Hormones Don't Only Mean Crying.
I got needy. Like a kitten level of needy. I wanted people around but wanted my space at the same time. I wanted to be cuddled but could barely stand being touched. I wanted to watch my favorite movies but got pissed off when they made me cry. 
I was a mess. 
Thanks hormones. You suck. 

BUUUUUUT

It's worth it in the end. 

Nope. Totally serious here. 

Getting a baby out of the deal was pretty cool. I grew a human inside me. Twice. It's pretty badass. 

Are you a Pinterest Mom? No, not a mom that USES Pinterest. I mean, a mom that someone could use as board inspiration.

We all have our Pinterest Mom moments. Some more than others. You might fix your kids a beautiful, healthy meal (whether or not they eat it doesn't matter...the pictures look damn good). Your kitchen might be spotless (don't go into the living room though). Is your outfit on point? (Who cares that your closet is spread across your bed?)

Maybe you have your Pinterest Mom "thing." You know, that area where you hit the Awesome Level more often than not. Maybe feeding your kids organic, whole foods is priority. I have a friend who prioritizes a clean house. Maybe you get up and do full hair/makeup every day. That's cool. 

But can we all agree that no one is a Pinterest Mom in every area 100% of the time? It's a Mom Reality. Something's gotta give. 

So here are a few tongue-in-cheek examples of Pinterest Mom vs Mom Reality.

Pinterest Mom: Feeds her kids organic, vegan, healthy meals and snacks at scheduled times. 

Mom Reality: OMG FINE! Eat the piece of store bought bread. I JUST FED YOU. Don't think I'm cooking again so soon. 

Pinterest Mom: Dresses herself and her kids in coordinated, spotless clothing even to sit around the house. 

Mom Reality: One kid's shirt is inside out but at least he dressed himself. Crap, is that shirt dirty? Whatever, we have to leave...where are my flipflops? 

Pinterest Mom: Clean house where each room is worthy of a magazine photo. 

Mom Reality: What are you eating? Where did you find that? When did we buy raisins last? Whatever, I'm not cooking again so soon. 

Pinterest Mom: Barely breaks a sweat as she completes her morning yoga at sunrise.

Mom Reality:

I've learned a lot in my nearly 7 years of parenting. Mostly, that I know nothing and which chocolate pairs with which wine. 

One of my biggest, and latest, realizations is that it's okay to need time away from your kids. 

I've written before about my decision to stop homeschooling.

In the beginning, I couldn't understand how parents could send their kid to school. I read blogs about homeschooling and how "children are meant to be at home with their parents" like it was a religious experience. 

As my children got older, I wanted them away from me. I spend hours wondering what I was doing wrong. What was wrong with me that I didn't want to spend the whole day with my children? 

I finally figured it out! 

Nothing. 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NEEDING TIME AWAY FROM YOUR CHILDREN. 

Please read that as many times as you need. 

What is one of the main pieces of advice people are given when entering a relationship/marriage? "Keep your own interests. You don't need to spend 24/7 together." My husband and I love each other very much...but sometimes he hangs out with his friends or I see a movie by myself or he'll play video games while I sit upstairs and watch stupid TV shows. 

So why did I think it was different with my children? 

​Some parents can spend hours upon hours with their children. If that's you, there's nothing wrong with you either!!

It's the comparison game. It kills parenting joy. 

I'm counting down until my youngest heads to school too...and that's okay.

Sometimes parenting requires serious creativity. 

I became the house expert on unlocking bedroom doors with a paperclip. 

My best example of quick thinking came many years prior to that...

We used cloth diapers with both kids. (It's awesome, actually) That meant carrying a pretty full bag (because they take up more space than disposables) at all times. 

We'd decided to eat out in a moment of spontaneity and, of course, the baby needed a change. 

I took him to the car and opened the diaper bag to discover....

...it was empty. 

That's right. Zero diapers. I blinked dumbly at the bag and even did that "open and close in hopes I can suddenly do magic" thing. 

I frantically looked around the car. Maybe I'd dropped one at one point in time. Maybe the heavens would open up and place one in my open hands. 

Then I spotted it!

A thin blanket we used to cover baby toes in the carseat. 

Cloth is cloth, right? 

Confession: I've used a tshirt in a pinch. 

It's a small thing, but I commend my sleep deprived brain for being able to think quickly. 

Those who knew me on my previous blog will probably remember my grand plans for homeschooling. 

You remember how I started "tot school" super early and had delusions that I could successfully teach both of my children at the same time. 

You remember my hatred for formal schooling and my vehement refusal to send my child off somewhere. 

Oh how the mighty have fallen. 

My older son has completed a full week of private school. AND HE LOVES IT. 

Sigh. 

In all seriousness, I still struggle with the decision. 

I know it's what's best for him and me. We cannot spend that much time together. We drive each other crazy. I had checked out as far as parenting was concerned...let's not even talk about schooling. And after spending the entire day with me, I was the last person he wanted to listen to AT ALL...let alone learn from. 

I get so much more done during the day when the two boys are apart. There's no way I could have packed as much as I have with both of them together (as evidenced by this weekend)

I know recognizing what was best for him and choosing that is the opposite of failing...but I still feel like I failed somehow. 

So, for now, we're choosing school for him and probably for both as of next year. It's been good for all of us because I no longer look like this at 8am...

I have over 300 friends on Facebook. 359 at the time of this post, to be exact. 

A fair amount of them are mothers. 

Considering I'm posting this to my FB, you're probably one of them. 

Let me preface this post by saying that everything contained therein is MY baggage and MY damage and NOT your fault. I'm not blaming or shaming you. I don't want you to feel bad. 

I want to throw down some honesty in hopes that other moms who feel like me can have a good cry while whispering, "Oh thank God, it's not just me." 

If you're looking for a sarcastic, up beat, laugh filled post....close the tab now because this isn't it.

When you post about your kids sleeping peacefully at 8am while I'm refereeing the 5th fight of the morning...I get frustrated. 

When I see the "all 3 kids down for a nap, score" post when I'm eye-balling the wine in the fridge at noon? I've probably *hidden* your post. 

When all of your photos are of sleeping children or siblings playing nicely together while mine LITERALLY punch each other in the face...I get jealous. 

Each "I love being a Mommy" and "Best job EVAH" post twists my heart a little bit. 

Because I don't feel that way.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten downright angry at my fellow moms on Facebook...and they didn't even know it. 

What's WRONG with me that I'm not having the same experience? What is so DAMAGED inside me that I can't love this "job" I chose? WHY do my kids fight all the time and get violent with me when yours are so freaking peaceful? Where did I go wrong? Why do you get the good times when I spend mine sobbing on the shower floor? It's not fair. 

I'm a failure. 

Or...that's how it feels. 

I had vast plans of homeschooling through high school. 

My kids will probably start private school in the fall (if scholarships work out). 

I had them close together (20 months apart) because I thought them being close in age would mean they'd get along better. 

It means I don't get a break in attitude shifts. 

I had mental images of a clean home, meals made from scratch, and lots of crafty crap made by yours truly. 

I've actually checked out and can barely muster up the mental/emotional energy to do the damn dishes each day. 

So yeah....add your successful homeschooling posts and homemaking success stories to my list of things that punch me in the gut. 

I'm sure there are a dozen of you going, "But...but Kas. I've always felt that way about you!"

Consider your bubble burst. 

Here's your dose of reality: It's not just you. 

Those thoughts you've had about running away? I mentally packed a bag and cried because what kind of mother thinks like that? 

That urge to scream until your throat bleeds because MAYBE THEN someone will freaking listen and see how miserable you are? Been there, honey. Have some wine with me. 

So here's to my fellow moms that clench their fists while browsing Facebook. 

Who have to walk away from social media more than once a day because you feel like a failure. 

Who cry in the shower because it's the only time you ever get alone to just FEEL. 

Who are nodding along to this post because Facebook Snapshots of Life is the most frustrating thing ever. 

You're not alone. 

Have some wine. 

Comments are open but if you're going to suggest therapy (I have an appointment, thanks), tell me I'm a shitty mother (I know, thanks) or suggest something asinine (I'm sure you're out there) just...don't. 

Tuesday morning I was forced awake by hysterical screaming...

And lots of blood. 

Boy1 had managed to slice open his nose. 

Face wounds bleed a lot. Nose wounds bleed even more. 

This was about 7:45am. I hadn't even finished my coffee. 

So we spent 2 hours in Urgent Care. Sigh.

By the way, most Urgent Care centers in my town don't open until 9am....rude. 

He was fine by the time we got there. We had to tell him more than once to stop climbing around before he fell on his already busted face. 

We even got some home school done.

Normal moms might apologize for the mess in the background....

Y'all know I'm not normal. 

I have no apologies. I even refused to tilt the camera in a way that it didn't show the mess. 

Why? 

Because I don't care what you think. 

This week is hard for me health wise (my PMDD peaks this week) so my house usually looks like this. Add in that was directly after our UC visit? 

Psh. I really couldn't care less about crap on the floor. Seriously. 

If you take nothing else away from this blog post...take this:

Comfort before Clean.


That is one thing I had trouble with in the beginning. I tried to keep it all balanced. I can't. I have high needs boys. I don't apologize for mess. 


(Note: "mess" refers to the clutter of toys/paper/etc on the floor. Not "we have bugs" or Hoarders worthy messes) 


I've chosen to make sure my kids are happy and comforted before a clean house. 


If that bothers you, don't surprise me during the week. If it doesn't? Come over for coffee. You can chat with me while I do dishes.