I wish I could say I take no pleasure in doing this...but I do. Oh, I take plenty of pleasure.
You don't have children? Or maybe you just had your first baby?
I know, this comes as a shock. You're full of advice and tips and tricks. You may have worked in a daycare center. You may babysit family members from time to time. Hell, you may even have friends with children.
It doesn't matter. You know nothing.
It's okay. I was once like you. I had a laundry list of things I would NEVER do and things that MY children would never get away with (especially in public). When I got pregnant I had my entire parenting philosophy planned out. My household rules were set before Boy1 was as big as a grapefruit.
And I followed these things until he was born.
Suddenly I came to the same realization I'm sharing with you now: I Knew NOTHING about being a parent.
No TV? Here, watch this show so I can do a load of dishes, vacuum, or breathe alone for 10 seconds.
No themed toys/clothing? Here, you love Cars right? Will you wear underwear more often if Mater is on your butt? You will!! Here's a pack of Cars underwear.
I was the same person that looked with disdain at screaming children in the grocery store. You may have nodded in solidarity with me when I whispered, "God, take that child out to the car or come back later." But when I WAS that parent? He's screaming because he's tired and *wants* to go to the car. So leaving is giving in to his little demands. He's overwhelmed because everyone keeps touching him or talking to him. This is the only spare few minutes that we had to go shopping today and we're trying to be fast so please don't stare.
No, I can't call you tomorrow. The instant I try to pick up the phone is the same instant the screaming fight starts. Unless you want to have a conversation that sounds like a recording of a Tourette's patient you'll have to settle with a text, Facebook PM, or email. I probably *could* call after the kids are in bed, but I won't. That's MY time, not yours. If the day went smoothly I might be in the mood for a phone call. If it was a typical day I'll be cuddled on the couch with my husband and a bottle of wine trying not to cry (and probably failing)
I could do without the sideways look as you bite back a smile at my disheveled appearance as well. It took 20 minutes to get the kids dressed and ready to go. Which probably left 5 minutes (10 if I got lucky) for myself. You're lucky I'm wearing pants.
So go ahead and assume that I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't. I know that. I'm learning as I go. You, however, can stop assuming that you DO know everything. You don't. It's best for everyone if you acknowledge that or at the very least....