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"The Polar Express" Movie is Terrible

12/21/2015

7 Comments

 
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I was first introduced to The Polar Express as a kid. A girl that babysat me picked it up at the mall while exclaiming it was her favorite book. I was a huge reader from the start so I grabbed my own copy as soon as I could. 

It's a neat book...a 32 page picture book. 

Who had the bright idea to make it a full length feature film? 

I find it interesting that a book about the "spirit of Christmas" was bastardized for monetary purposes. 

Not surprising, but interesting. 

My complaints all surround the movie my house has now watched 3 times in the last week.

Obviously, spoilers ahead if you haven't seen the movie that came out in 2004... 
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First of all, "get on this random train in the middle of the night without telling your parents with no explanation" is creepy. It doesn't matter how "magical" and "special" the movie makes it out to be; the premise is freaking weird. 

Why is the most inept conductor ever in charge of all of these minors? Who approved that? Who hired this guy? Santa?? Santa is obviously an idiot.

Who is the "coffee" drinking hobo train hopper? Is he magical? Is he Jack Frost? A ghost? Santa in disguise? A guy that should be driving a windowless van?

​Why the small number of children? How were these kids chosen? They don't seem to have anything in common except living in the same general area. Does another town get to go next year? That seems highly inefficient. 

Why are the puppets talking? That's creepy as hell. 

.....why are the elves speaking Yiddish? 

"I was checking out my gifts and all I found was stupid underpants." Yes, there's the spirit of Christmas right there kids: bitch when you didn't get a "good enough" gift. 

The child that didn't even believe in Santa...who spent the ​entire trip breaking the rules...is the one that gets the first gift? Are you kidding me? Not the kids that listened. Not the poor kid (from "the other side of the tracks" of all things) who needs a reason to believe in Christmas again. Noooo 

The parents don't believe in Santa (shown by them not hearing the bell) and yet NO ONE QUESTIONS HOW THIS GIFT GOT IN THE HOUSE?!

What did you think of the Polar Express?

7 Comments
joe link
5/20/2018 04:23:57 pm

The guy who wrote this article about the movie is a cynical sour grapes ass hat.

Reply
tony
12/22/2021 05:56:26 am

don't say that

Reply
Kylie
11/10/2019 01:03:31 pm

The polar express was and still is my favorite holiday movie and it's pretty high on my movie list in general. This movie was my childhood. No, I did not think much about the questionable things until I was older, but this movie will forever fill my heart with joy.

Reply
Marty
6/23/2020 08:03:24 am

Quite frankly, I don't think the author went far enough. The Hero Boy is incredible whiny, and the supposed point of the film, faith and believing, is completely meaningless because the boy doesn't believe in Santa by faith. He knows Santa is real because he rode a magic train to the North Pole and not only saw Santa, but spoke to him and sat next to him in his sleigh. That would be like Indiana Jones figuring out there was a bridge across the chasm in Last Crusade before taking that first step. The boy doesn't believe, he doesn't have faith, he knows because he was there. I suppose if you grew up with the movie it is more bearable, but if not, it is just annoying, with some of the creepiest animated humans ever shown. About the only good thing I can say about the movie is my family owns a model train store, and we can sell the crap out of just about anything Polar Express. So I am glad it exists so we can profit from it, but my goodness I hate this movie.

Reply
Mick Russom link
7/11/2020 06:16:39 pm

Polar Express is crap. I hate every minute of it. Whoever made it should neck themselves. Its crap and all 4 of my kids hate it.

Reply
Inaya D.
9/24/2020 04:30:09 pm

The first time I watched this it was a headache from start to finish. It's painfully boring, so boring in fact it makes me want to cry. Hero girl and Billy were very forgettable, but were still pretty okay characters. Hero boy and Know-it-all on the other hand made me want to pluck out ever strand of hair on my head. They were both incredibly boring and rude AF. And what was up with that Coffee sipping hobo guy? Who was he even?? I know this movie was made in 2004, but the animation of the people was just insanely ugly. Also, at the climax of the movie where all the kids were getting their presents and whatever, the Elves' animations were being looped over and over again. I found that incredibly lazy.

As much as I freaking hate this movie, I honestly don't care if you like it or not. Do whatever you want, I' not here to dictate.

Reply
Ella
12/27/2020 12:20:44 am

Completely agree, this movie is so boring and creepy. My kids make me watch it for christmas as torture.

Reply



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