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Vinegar vs Honey: Intactivists

9/23/2013

6 Comments

 
I wasn't sure I was going to write this. The idea formed in my brain and I refused to consider it. 

But I feel that it's necessary. 

See, some of the most hateful people I've ever met have been intactivists. (anti-circumcision) Don't get me wrong, pro-circ people, you're not off the hook. But this is for my fellow anti-circ friends. 

My first son was circ'd. I did no research and didn't consider any other way. When I saw what it truly was and had to take care of him? I started asking questions. 

I didn't like most of the answers. 

I was especially curious about how to broach the subject of having one son circ'd and one son intact. You'd THINK this would be an easy thing to answer. I got two main schools of thought...

The self-righteous: "I wouldn't know because I'm not a baby mutilator." 
The passive aggressive: "I would tell him 'by the time I learned the right way there was no hope for you.'" 

Right. That's totally unhelpful. 

I stopped researching for a LONG time because I had a ton of Mommy guilt and felt constantly attacked ("You let some rapist mutilate your child???") It was the unemotional and logical friends that helped me make the decision. 

I've seen some of the WORST BULLYING led by intactivist groups. 

People's Facebook pages are posted publicly and privately with the name visible. It's understood that you're supposed to go and harass the poster (under the guise "inform") about how circumcision is wrong. 

Things like this:
Picture
Info redacted because I have class
People on the page that posted the image made comments about her appearance and how she's obviously an attention ho. 

Because that's SO helpful. Tell anyone they're an attention grabbing *insert expletive* and they'll easily see your side of the argument. 

When a few of us got on to say, "Hey, this is bullying and it's wrong" we were basically told that she DESERVES IT for mutilating her child. 

You know the common vein of bullies and rapists, right? The victim deserves it. 

Just as an FYI: If someone has ALREADY had their son cut there isn't much you can do to reverse the decision. Telling them that they're a moron or disgusting is just going to put a bad taste in their mouth about intactivism. Chances are, they won't go researching ever again because they don't want to risk coming in contact with more hate. (That's almost what happened in my case)

I'm sure I'm going to catch all sorts of hell for this post. Recently, a member of a FB group posted about being mindful of their words...and was told that no one takes to kindly to being told how to behave. 

I get being angry. I get angry about how people are LIED TO by doctors when it comes to circumcision and intact care. I get that. 

I don't understand the hate. AT ALL. More flies with honey, people. It's not worth it to be a total jerk to someone else. There is a way to present information without attacking someone. 

Or maybe I'm just bad at intactivism. 
6 Comments
Jenn
9/24/2013 02:18:42 am

You are not a bad intactivist! I've been through every stage of intactivism. The defending my decision to leave my child's penis alone (why did I have to defend that?!) to trying to educate with facts, to the extreme anger after years if what felt like beating my head on the brick wall. To walking away from all activism because I was exhausted and felt like I wasn't making a difference. I feel like I've come back around almost full circle. I walk away if I feel I can't be I remove my emotion from a discussion. The thing that keeps me going? Knowing I've helped change minds, knowing I've helped save baby boys from undergoing something so painful & unnecessary.

I understand the anger but the language used & the bullying tactics will never be ok.

Reply
AMB link
9/27/2013 07:30:18 am

Intactivists document circumcision insanity so that their is a historical record of it. It is valuable testimony as this website illustrates:
http://circumcisioninsanity.blogspot.com/

Reply
Jill
9/30/2013 01:54:09 am

This intactivist totally agrees with you.

Reply
AMB link
9/30/2013 01:57:26 am

A fellow activist of mine once said, you can catch alot of flies with honey, and you can catch some flies with vinegar, but you can catch the most flies with a nice honey-vinegar salad dressing. ;) It all depends on the situation. ;)

Reply
Joanna
7/2/2014 03:23:48 pm

Agreeeeed. The circ vs. non-circ debate reminds me a lot of the breastfeeding debates going around currently. Like... why all the hate and anger and nasty words spoken to parents just trying to make the right decisions for their kids?? Gah. It's so unhelpful and just turns it into a mud slinging fest rather than actually providing good information for people looking for it. :/

I also love how she's obviously a terrible mother because LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS LIKE AN ATTENTION WHORE. :P

Reply
Michael Morin link
7/20/2019 11:13:04 am

From an unhappy circumcised man (restoring, though), I completely and wholeheartedly agree with you. I have been triggered way too many times by the bullying and condescension and shaming by intactivists. I despise this shaming so much that I refuse to call myself an intactivist any longer. I prefer the term "Genital Autonomy Advocate."

Reply



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