I have over 300 friends on Facebook. 359 at the time of this post, to be exact.
A fair amount of them are mothers.
Considering I'm posting this to my FB, you're probably one of them.
Let me preface this post by saying that everything contained therein is MY baggage and MY damage and NOT your fault. I'm not blaming or shaming you. I don't want you to feel bad.
I want to throw down some honesty in hopes that other moms who feel like me can have a good cry while whispering, "Oh thank God, it's not just me."
If you're looking for a sarcastic, up beat, laugh filled post....close the tab now because this isn't it.
A fair amount of them are mothers.
Considering I'm posting this to my FB, you're probably one of them.
Let me preface this post by saying that everything contained therein is MY baggage and MY damage and NOT your fault. I'm not blaming or shaming you. I don't want you to feel bad.
I want to throw down some honesty in hopes that other moms who feel like me can have a good cry while whispering, "Oh thank God, it's not just me."
If you're looking for a sarcastic, up beat, laugh filled post....close the tab now because this isn't it.
When you post about your kids sleeping peacefully at 8am while I'm refereeing the 5th fight of the morning...I get frustrated.
When I see the "all 3 kids down for a nap, score" post when I'm eye-balling the wine in the fridge at noon? I've probably *hidden* your post.
When all of your photos are of sleeping children or siblings playing nicely together while mine LITERALLY punch each other in the face...I get jealous.
Each "I love being a Mommy" and "Best job EVAH" post twists my heart a little bit.
Because I don't feel that way.
When I see the "all 3 kids down for a nap, score" post when I'm eye-balling the wine in the fridge at noon? I've probably *hidden* your post.
When all of your photos are of sleeping children or siblings playing nicely together while mine LITERALLY punch each other in the face...I get jealous.
Each "I love being a Mommy" and "Best job EVAH" post twists my heart a little bit.
Because I don't feel that way.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten downright angry at my fellow moms on Facebook...and they didn't even know it.
What's WRONG with me that I'm not having the same experience? What is so DAMAGED inside me that I can't love this "job" I chose? WHY do my kids fight all the time and get violent with me when yours are so freaking peaceful? Where did I go wrong? Why do you get the good times when I spend mine sobbing on the shower floor? It's not fair.
I'm a failure.
Or...that's how it feels.
What's WRONG with me that I'm not having the same experience? What is so DAMAGED inside me that I can't love this "job" I chose? WHY do my kids fight all the time and get violent with me when yours are so freaking peaceful? Where did I go wrong? Why do you get the good times when I spend mine sobbing on the shower floor? It's not fair.
I'm a failure.
Or...that's how it feels.
I had vast plans of homeschooling through high school.
My kids will probably start private school in the fall (if scholarships work out).
I had them close together (20 months apart) because I thought them being close in age would mean they'd get along better.
It means I don't get a break in attitude shifts.
I had mental images of a clean home, meals made from scratch, and lots of crafty crap made by yours truly.
I've actually checked out and can barely muster up the mental/emotional energy to do the damn dishes each day.
So yeah....add your successful homeschooling posts and homemaking success stories to my list of things that punch me in the gut.
My kids will probably start private school in the fall (if scholarships work out).
I had them close together (20 months apart) because I thought them being close in age would mean they'd get along better.
It means I don't get a break in attitude shifts.
I had mental images of a clean home, meals made from scratch, and lots of crafty crap made by yours truly.
I've actually checked out and can barely muster up the mental/emotional energy to do the damn dishes each day.
So yeah....add your successful homeschooling posts and homemaking success stories to my list of things that punch me in the gut.
I'm sure there are a dozen of you going, "But...but Kas. I've always felt that way about you!"
Consider your bubble burst.
Here's your dose of reality: It's not just you.
Those thoughts you've had about running away? I mentally packed a bag and cried because what kind of mother thinks like that?
That urge to scream until your throat bleeds because MAYBE THEN someone will freaking listen and see how miserable you are? Been there, honey. Have some wine with me.
Consider your bubble burst.
Here's your dose of reality: It's not just you.
Those thoughts you've had about running away? I mentally packed a bag and cried because what kind of mother thinks like that?
That urge to scream until your throat bleeds because MAYBE THEN someone will freaking listen and see how miserable you are? Been there, honey. Have some wine with me.
So here's to my fellow moms that clench their fists while browsing Facebook.
Who have to walk away from social media more than once a day because you feel like a failure.
Who cry in the shower because it's the only time you ever get alone to just FEEL.
Who are nodding along to this post because Facebook Snapshots of Life is the most frustrating thing ever.
You're not alone.
Have some wine.
Who have to walk away from social media more than once a day because you feel like a failure.
Who cry in the shower because it's the only time you ever get alone to just FEEL.
Who are nodding along to this post because Facebook Snapshots of Life is the most frustrating thing ever.
You're not alone.
Have some wine.
Comments are open but if you're going to suggest therapy (I have an appointment, thanks), tell me I'm a shitty mother (I know, thanks) or suggest something asinine (I'm sure you're out there) just...don't.
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